You know that feeling?

That feeling when you see things just, kind of, come together?  Many times in ways you couldn't have imagined?  Yeah, that's not happening for me lately.

I've been experiencing that feeling when something good, maybe even great, is right there and you can taste it.  You can see how it will all work out and you may even lose control and let yourself get a little excited about the prospect.  Then it ever so gracefully falls apart in front of you.  So, you brush it off, remember all the good things and all the other opportunities and solutions there are, and you try again.  And it feels so good and reassuring when another opportunity presents itself and you are flooded with hope anew!  Then it falls apart and the opportunity show its true form as nothing of any value.

Repeat this 3 or 4 times over the course of a few weeks and it may end up being a tiny bit difficult to "keep your head up" because "it will all work out".

I am a talented, intelligent, good person that can offer SO much.  My wife is even more talented and kind and has vastly more to offer than me.  We are a good family that just keeps trying to do our best for ourselves and our kids.  So why can we not catch a freakin' break, huh?

That is all.

T minus 1 week

So, it's 1 week until I am officially an unemployed bum.  Strangely, I am lacking almost all of the lifeforce-sucking anxiety and fear that usually accompanies such an event.  I have a few leads on the go and pretty good ideas for keeping us off the streets but nothing concrete.  Yet, I feel pretty good about the whole thing.

Most of my day today has been spent thinking of ways to get the new Call of Duty game on the cheap.

I don't really have a clue how all of this is going to work out in the end, but I know it is going to work out and we'll be ok, or better than ok actually, and I'm kind of excited to see how it all turns out.  It's like our very own exciting dramatic movie that's made by Disney so you know it's going to have a happy ending.

Except it can't be made by Disney because there has to be lots of steamy 'romance' scenes in this movie.  Rrraaarrr.

It snowed today

Apparently someone must have said that it couldn't get any more depressing because it decided to snow today. Nice.  In case any of the thousands and thousands of my readers don't know, I strongly dislike winter. STRONGLY.
Maybe I'll go home and try to find the bottom of a bag of oreos.

Emotions

Here's my stance.  Emotions are a double-edged sword.  On one hand, life would be nothing without them.  If there is no happiness there is no enjoyment and if there is no enjoyment of anything then what is the point, we're all just robots.  So that sucks.

On the other hand, emotions cause problems.  Now at this point I could go on and on about the wars around the world and the endless negative effects emotions have on our world, but I'm really only concerned with myself.  World, you're on your own right now.

Currently, I am facing unemployment with no solid solution for that upcoming problem.  Most of the time I feel alright with it because I know that I am skilled, I am a genuinely good person, and one way or another everything will work out.  On top of that I am keenly aware that all this stuff we worry so much about and work so hard to keep (house, car, phones, TVs etc.) is just that, stuff.  In the end I truly don't care about the stuff.  The problem comes with the instability of emotions.

I'm floating through my day doing what I can to find new leads and keep my head clear so that I don't drop any of the many balls in the air when suddenly, boom, I'm feeling depressed.  Depressed and hopeless and hollow and sick to my stomach.  I try reminding myself how I was feeling a few minutes ago and why I should be feeling good.  I try going outside to get fresh air and see the world.  I even try watching online comedy.  No luck, still stuck.(awesome reference that my 5 year old would totally get)

So, as much as I know that without emotions there is no humanity and no real life, sometimes I wish emotions would just piss off for awhile so I could figure some shit out.

So, yeah, you might want to be careful when reading my posts for the next little while, they may very well be boring, depressing and downright annoying.