Monday, December 18, 2006

You Can Stop Dialing Child Welfare

We do actually give our children coats when we go outside.

I'm referring of course to the picture on our Christmas card this year.

Exhibit #1 - Child Welfare Services v. Rogall

The five of us all look happy and healthy, but Megan and Kayla are noticeably 'sans veste'. So, here are a few quick facts that you need to know before you lose any sleep over the well being of our older children:

Fact #1.
Their nice, warm, winter jackets were about 3 feet away, just out of frame.
Fact #2.
They were only without their coats for the few seconds it took to snap the pic.
Fact #3.
Although we look happy and bright, this picture was the culmination of two hours of pose changes, venue changes, yelling, empty threats, and ultimately bribery. We got the shot, everyone looked good, and when we realized that the picture was going to be Exhibit #1 in the case for Child Welfare taking away our children, I refused to try to recreate that 'magic' with the jackets on, or everyone's jackets off, or whatever else it would've taken.

So, there you have it, the true meaning of Christmas. Hiding the truth about how tough life really is and how much extra, unnecessary stress this season adds, with a 4x6 glossy Christmas card your family almost killed each other to make.

Merry Christmas.

Bring on the eggnog.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

I'm Calling It

Borrowing this phrase from my beautiful wife, her and I were talking while we were out Christmas shopping last night and I thought of something that I'll bet you will see in the next 5 years, so, I'm calling it now. It will be the next big self-indulgence for the rich people out there.

The drug-induced coma.

Stay with me here. I'm not a doctor and my knowledge on this amounts to simply imagining what it must be like, but it makes sense. It will be like the most restful vacation you could ever get. Instead of going to Fiji or something, people will go to the clinic and be put into a coma for a week or two. Think about it. How rested would you be if you could sleep for a week, literally! I would sign up in a second! That would rock.

Yup, this is definitely going to be the next big thing.

And I definitely need to get more sleep.